Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
not ubering you a puppy
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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