Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
