the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
