I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
