tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
