I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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