That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
