I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The adults are the big ones right?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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