you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
