I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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