we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
