so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
