I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
