im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
