There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
