wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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