Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
