Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
