the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
