so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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