i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
