I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
