Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
