he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
