Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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