I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
