I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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