you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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