K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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