I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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