I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
