Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
