I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
