Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
