is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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