what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
