My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
