I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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