And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
as a side note pls kill me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize