Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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