Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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