I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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