I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
