Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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