I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
