yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
