Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
