I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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