i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
