dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
