It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
