does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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