he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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