I accidentally had phone sex last night
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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