Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
