it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
