I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
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they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize