I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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