I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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