so let's talk penis.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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