so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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