there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
