New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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