Soap is not a condiment
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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