I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
